For everyone who could care less about politics, prepare yourself because this post is going to be a doozy. And when I say doozy, I mean not really, so, disregard that first sentence. This post is going to be about U.S. Senate committee hearings. If you want in…get in, if you want out…get out. Just kidding, I’m pretty sure that I have one reader other than myself, and encourage everybody to stay. Besides, my description of the borefests that are Senate committee hearings will most likely strengthen my readership’s already less than idealistic view of politics and possibly provide a few cheap laughs (I mean who doesn’t enjoy a laugh at politicians every now and again..they deserve it).
Senate committee hearings are pretty solid in theory. An informative meeting that allows people well versed on a situation to give their proper testimony regarding an issue and, then, the Senators will ask questions to these people. In reality, however, these just suck. I feel genuinely bad for the people visiting Washington D.C. who attend these. On second thought, I feel bad for people visiting Washington D.C. in general (too many tourists). But, that is for another day. These excited individuals are expecting some American Razzle Dazzle (yes, this is a proper noun), and instead get the most mundane event both sides of the Mississippi (any phrases referencing the Mighty Mississippi River automatically become 23% more American).
Now, I could go on for days about how utterly horrific (no, this isn’t extreme) these things are, but, I dare say, there are a handful of gems. And, good golly miss Molly, I want to help my future readers (if I write it, they will come) select a solid committee hearing to attend. So, based on my ever so observant observations here is the complete list of people to see if you ever visit a Senate committee hearing:
1) Rand Paul. Same people say crazy, other people say extremely crazy. The truth is that he believes in what he believes and is one of the more honest members of the Senate.
2) Bernie Sanders. Some people say socialist, and other peop…well just socialist. The truth is that he believes in what he believes and is the most genuine member in the Senate.
3) Al Franken. Some people say funny, and other people (Bill O’ Reilly or Ann Coulter) say unfunny. The truth is that he believes in what he believes and is the biggest smart-ass in the Senate (let’s be honest, politics could use at least 23% more smart-asses).
4) Everyone Else (I highly recommend avoiding number 4)
Now, I know this list seems like I didn’t put a lot of effort into it. But, keep in mind that you wouldn’t want to put the time in either. All I know is that I went to several sleepers (sort of like nappers, but a little more intense), and then one day I went to a committee meeting on a topic I was less than enthused to attend: senior hunger. This topic served a heaping helping of mental nutrition. Just kidding, that was not funny and neither is senior hunger. Seriously, old people starving is uncool because they are old and deserve to eat too. Anyways, back to the awesomeness of the trio that I call RandSandKen. They are all outspoken and opinionated, and when all three are together, they do not get along (well, Rand vs. Sanders & Franken). Without further ado, here is a brief video of the senior hunger highlights:
If there is only one lesson you ever take away from this blog, the best Senate committee currently is: Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions. If anybody in the top 3 is not present…walk away. Also, if it is a full committee, get there early! You will thank me when you have a seat. If you tried the porridge by now, you know that I can be trusted.
P.S.-If you could not make it through this last video clip, never attend a Senate committee hearing…even if you are a witness. Also, I never had the opportunity to attend a committee hearing with the Senator I worked with, so that is reflected in my jocular opinions.